Right now I’m watching the 1 year performance videostream as well as Anacam. I’m sort of pissed off at both, completely bored with one, and utterly glued to the other. Frustration: nothing’s really happening on either cam; the two dudes are lying down, one on the floor and one on his bed; the “Ana” cam just shows a dark room (I think it’s a room) with a partially closed door. Oh wait, now the two guys are both typing on their computers (I’m doing the same thing). Ana’s door still hasn’t moved. Boredom: I don’t feel the need to watch someone do the same exact thing I’m doing in my room. Where’s the fun in that? Captivation: my attention is on the Anacam; when is something going to happen finally and what the hell is that something going to be? I’ve got reading and other work to do but I just want to sit here and watch until anything goes down. There’s some need for me to be watching when anything happens. I’ve got an all encompassing view of the two dudes (one’s doing push-ups!!), but this kind of access to everything they’re doing in their little cubicles isn’t quite as interesting as what I can’t see (yet?) on the Anacam. Now after realizing I’ve watched for a few minutes, I’m starting to feel like a creep ‘cause I don’t know what I’m expecting to see on Ana’s cam and whether it’s connected to Burgin’s and Barthes’ quotes on perversion and “the staging of an appearance as disappearance.” There’s something a little more harmless in watching the two dudes (back at their computers) than waiting for a glimpse of Ana in her dark, partially concealed doorway. This is too sketchy for my liking. I guess there’s some kind of underlying desire to see what you think you can’t see when someone’s in the privacy of their own home as opposed to two guys (apparently they get newspapers in their boxes) just sitting around doing what I do when I’m sitting in my sorry excuse for a living space. Maybe I’m just seeing too much of myself in these cams. Damn you Lacan!!
Also, in case anyone is interested, Death Cab For Cutie is playing in May (sorry for the plug):